The smaller races bring out smaller crackpots, for the most part; and why not? The bigger the audience, the bigger the buffoonery. Still, there are quite a few loose screws in the toolbox below.
John Moyna, Senator, Dist. 3
Charm Rating: Unknown
Most Appealing Feature: Anonymity
Tone: Laconic
Biggest Flaws: Anonymity; Mystique over substance
The Campaign in a Sentence: "All mankind can be categorized into one of two groups: Those who demand the ability to control others, and those not wanting to be controlled."
Chris Bowen, Representative, Pos. 1, Dist. 3
Charm Rating: 3
Most Appealing Feature: Enthusiasm
Tone: Naive
Biggest Flaws: Dubious experience; attended Eastern Washington University
The Campaign in a Sentence: "I was born in 1978 to a nuclear engineer and one of the sweetest ladies you could ever meet."
David M. Morris, Representative, Pos. 1, Dist. 11
Charm Rating: 7
Most Appealing Feature: Lack of experience
Tone: Strident
Biggest Flaws: Lack of experience; redundant punctuation
The Campaign in a Sentence: "SECURE THE BORDER NOW!."
William Glenn (Walkley) Jesernig, Representative, Pos. 2, Dist. 16
Charm Rating: 8
Most Appealing Feature: Brutal honesty
Tone: Devoted
Biggest Flaws: Lack of experience; brutal honesty.
The Campaign in a Sentence:"I am a God fearing father of 9 and grandfather of 7 soon to be 8, Distance runner, Concert promoter, Excavating general contractor, Pyrotechnic operator, Poker Pro, Author, Hole puncher, who never tries; I keep doing till it is done."
Ron Morehouse, Representative, Pos. 2, Dist. 25
Charm Rating: 5
Most Appealing Feature: Parentheses
Tone: Different
Biggest Flaws: Shouting; inconsistent punctuation
The Campaign in a Sentence: "I WILL NOT COMPROMISE MY ETHICS OR BELIEFS."
Leslie Klein, Representative, Pos. 2, Dist. 36
Charm Rating: 6
Most Appealing Feature: Lists "spy" under experience
Tone: Kidding?
Biggest Flaws: Thinking that gaining 16% of the vote counts as a success; hawking a self-help book
The Campaign in a Sentence: "I INTEND TO EMPOWER PEOPLE TO SOLVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS."
Timothy (Cleaver) Stoddard, Senator, Dist. 40
Charm Rating: 8
Most Appealing Feature: Shades
Tone: Goofy
Biggest Flaws: Suspect grammar; inoffensiveness
The Campaign in a Sentence: "All Modern day Ideas for solving current problems can be solved using Karmic principles."
Keith Ljunghammar, Representative, Pos. 1, Dist. 46
Charm Rating: 4
Most Appealing Feature: Family status
Tone: Shouty
Biggest Flaws: Exclamation point abuse; cut-and-paste candidate statement
The Campaign in a Sentence: "Educate, not Excavate!"
Honorable Mention: Michael C. Powell, Representative, Pos. 2, Dist. 2, who, for his family status, put "Single—looking for a date (after November)." What is it with taxpayer-funded personal ads?
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