Desperate for listeners, Howard Stern borrows from the PBS playbook, making a special appearance on public television, simulcast on public radio.
This is an excerpt, the conclusion of the official transcript. After six hours of successful pleading, Stern, Robin Quivers, and Artie Lange continue to cajole viewers to switch to Sirius.
STERN: I just got great f-----g news: that was our four millionth caller.
QUIVERS: Hot damn. That's amazing. Just listen to those phones, ringing nonstop. Special thanks to Jerry Desoto of Tucson, Arizona, who will receive a complimentary copy of Private Parts.
LANGE: I should add that callers who pledge an annual subscription also receive one year of free access to Howard Stern on Demand. Operators are standing by.
QUIVERS: Four million. Wow.
STERN: I'm angry. It should be 20 million. It's insulting to me that everyone hasn't come with me. I take it personally. The competitive thing is a sickness that eats at me.
LANGE: So call in, all you listeners and viewers out there, and help find a cure.
QUIVERS: All it takes is a simple phone call, a minute of your time.
LANGE: And after you get off that phone, you're gonna feel great knowing that you've helped support a media empire in its early days.
QUIVERS: That's right. We're number one, and with your help we'll be number zero.
LANGE: You know, the worst thing you can do is be a freeloader, listening on some pirated internet broadcast or in your buddy's BMW. Howie, whaddaya say to your fans who haven't made the switch?
STERN: F--- you! You haven't come with me yet? How dare you? We're up to wild, crazy stuff, the show has never sounded better. You cheap bastards!
QUIVERS: Uh, Howard, I don't think--
STERN: Shut up and let me finish. This is personal. I am pissed off about this whole sh---y situation. They don't wanna join? F--- 'em.
LANGE: There you have it, straight talk from the King of All Media.
STERN: That's emperor, dammit. I'm f-----g emperor.
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