Boxing Day 2006. Older sister had brought the titular libations, scored at a "white elephant" gift exchange. I set out teacups. Bro-in-law Jon poured, we toasted, then sampled. Hilarity ensued as we retched and laughed 'til our stomachs ached.
I have ranked the sodas from best--least horrible, really--to worst.
Cranberry Sauce
Medicinal, almost sweet. The only one remotely close to drinkable, in the way that cough syrup is drinkable, when your sinuses are inflamed and you've lost your sense of taste.
Turkey and Gravy
Of the "weird" flavors, the blandest. Perhaps it's entirely psychological, but it feels greasy going down. Tastes a bit like watery chicken broth left out in the sun for a week.
Wild Herb Stuffing
"It tastes like bitters," according to my wife. I've never imbibed bitters, so I'll describe it as combining Turkey and Gravy Soda with Pinesol.
Pumpkin Pie
Ever scooped out raw pumpkin with your bare hands, snacked on the sloppy yellow fibers, licked the juice from your fingers? No? Of course not. Raw pumpkin is gross. So is this.
Brussels Sprout with Prosciutto
Noxious, abhorrent, disgusting, nauseating, loathsome, obscene, filthy, nasty, repulsive, sickening, vile. My wife couldn't quite bring herself to drink some, and I wish I hadn't found the nerve. I very nearly vomited, and spent the rest of the afternoon smelling and tasting it in everything. (It didn't help that my mother brought out broccoli cheese bread as a snack later that day.) It ought to come with a warning label. Don't drink it. I implore you.
General Caveats
Since my parents are teetotalers, we had no shot glasses in the house, and were forced to use the aforementioned teacups. Wine is poured into a wide glass so the full bouquet reaches the nostril. In the same manner, drinking these sodas from a broad-brimmed cup means experiencing the worst of the flavor. If you are foolhardy enough to follow in our footsteps, use shot glasses and drink quickly. If you don't, stand near the sink or keep a bucket handy.
Consider yourself warned.
Update: Jeri and pals were smart enough to drink from the bottle (remember what I said about the bouquet?), while PZ says I'm a "braver, weirder man" than he.
4 comments:
I prayed, prayed, prayed that I'd see "(fifty-first in a series)" at the bottom of this post. And I didn't.
Ick. I'd have thrown up.
No, really, I would have. I won the booby prize at a baby shower once and had to sample baby food while blindfolded. I threw up on the host's couch. I felt bad--said "sorry I barfed on your couch." His response was awesome. "No problem. Sorry I made you barf."
A British guest at a Doctor Who convention I went to over Thanksgiving weekend was intrigued by these same items and strong-armed a number of fans into taste-testing them. You can read about the results on Jeri Massi's blog at:
http://www.jeriwho.net/lillypad2/2005/12/chicago-tardis-2005-05-friday-one-big.html
(Scroll way down.)
"I watched one victim, I mean prospect go through the samples. And then I went next. Owing to allergies, my sense of smell (and hence my sense of taste) is not very sharp. People were actually gagging on the Brussel Sprout soda...."
Let me try that link again:
Jeri Massi's blog
Here is the exact link, if it fits:
Jones Soda Debacle
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