19 hours, 58 minutes
You'd think that since the sigmoidoscopy came back negative, I could relax, trade in my laxatives and suppositories for pizza and popcorn, banishing forever all memory of the moment my duodenum was blown up like a balloon as I lay gasping and swearing on a cold table, clutching my wife's hand and whatever dignity was still within reach.
You'd think that only because you've forgotten the second half of the show, the barium enema. My doctor (I use the word "my" loosely; after all, I'm at the mercy of an HMO, and I've never actually met my "real" doctor), cheerily empathetic, gave me the hope and strength to continue. "You're going to be Mr. Flatulence today," he said. "Then tomorrow, the real fun. That barium enema's no picnic. You keep thinking, how can they put a gallon of that stuff in there?"
So I'm still on a steady diet of laxatives and apple juice, biding my time, secretly suspecting that another negative result is on the way, and all this torment will be for naught.
1 hour, 28 minutes
I'm one suppository away from the final procedure. I spent most of last night flitting in and out of sleep, nauseated from bisacodyl, which seems much more violent to the system when taken orally.
Does it help to think I'm just like a supermodel getting ready for the runway, what with the ascetic diet and metaphoric self-flagellation?
No, it doesn't.
Tonight I can eat again. That helps.
4 comments:
You've been tagged, once you feel better...
Not for naught. You, like me, are ruling stuff out so that later you can be told they have no idea what's wrong with you. Does that help you feel better?
coturnix, Woohoo! Another meme!
trp, When I was in college, I came home one day to my apartment to find a roommate in the fetal position by a toilet filled with bloody vomit. I drove him to ER, and after waiting for three hours, a doctor saw him and pronounced a verdict: gastroenteritis, a symptom. He had no clue what caused it.
Your skepticism is appreciated. If I can't go in with an appropriately existential attitude and laugh at the absurdity, I won't go in at all.
Just remember that the enema of your enemy is a friend. An enema of anemones is unpleasant, on the other hand.
Post a Comment