Aug 1, 2005

how to get liars to admit the truth

staredown (success rate: 37%)

You must stare at the liar without breaking eye contact, without blinking, without looking at anything but the liar's lying eyes of lies. It is not a "staring contest;" if the offender blinks, you have not "won." You have won only when he breaks down in tears and confesses the lie. Your eyes must be penetrating and powerful. They must show, "I know you are a filthy liar, you filthy lying filth."


tickle torture (success rate: 56%)

It is not enough to tickle the sensitive areas (i.e., the armpits, the belly, the ribs, the soles). You must also bark out commands to confess while tickling. "Confess! Confess, you prevaricator!"


negotiation (success rate: 59%)

Promise goods, relief from punishment, favors, or money in exchange for the truth.


the ruse (success rate: 45%)

Have a third party confide with the liar. Have him speak in soothing tones, smooth, silky tones, expressing the knowledge that the liar has made a terrible mistake, but forgiveness is possible if that mistake is acknowledged.


the Bugs Bunny ploy (success rate: 68%)

"You lied."
"No I didn't.
"Yes you did."
"No I didn't."
"Did."
"Didn't."
"Did."
"Didn't."
"Didn't."
"Did."
"Ha!"



[thirtieth in a series]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Its easier said than done but when you have a gut feeling and your partner cares little about fixing or even listening to what you think is the problem, trust your intuition... there is someone else out there that will appreciate you and love you.