Dear Other Son of God,
Thank you for sharing your pain with me. I am an "empath," which means I not only feel your pain in a metaphorical sense, but literally take on your pain. Your brain cancer hurts, but not in the places I expected. I have nearly torn off my elbow because of its constant jolts of electric torture.
I'm glad that you've chosen to trust me, a complete stranger, with your million dollar fortune. After all, I'm a blogger, and if you can't trust a blogger--well, you know the rest. I wish your lawyer would help you out, but that's why they write lawyer jokes, right?
I'll be certain to donate all the money you send me to the proper organizations, and I won't even keep the 15% commission. Okay, maybe I'll keep 5%; that would be fair.
All the best,
Jim Anderson
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